A few years ago, we celebrated our first Christmas in our new house. I wanted to go all out and decorate. We bought a new (fake) tree at a black Friday sale and I made plans for the perfect decor to fill my new home. Our old tree was about 5 feet tall, and while it was a perfect fit in our tiny NYC apartment, it would look like a dwarf in our large house. With this new tree came the need for new ornaments. Since we had 3 cats, and hoped to have some kids soon after, we decided to go with plastic ornaments instead of glass. In case you aren't aware, it's really hard to find cute plastic ornaments. They're usually cheesy and cheap looking, without necessarily being inexpensive. I looked at all the pretty glass ornaments and felt envy for the types of people who could buy them. It felt like my childhood all over again.

How my Christmas Past Affected my Christmas Present

You see, back at my parent’s house, we used to have this big beautiful Christmas tree. I remember making ornaments with my dad and putting up the same ones every year. Each one seemed to have a story and while it was kitschy, it was really sweet. We used multi-colored lights (because, you know, the 90’s!) and metallic gold fluffy garland. After a while, my grandmothers got sick and my mom did too. It took a heavy toll on her since she had to care for them, rushing from the hospital to the nursing home to see them both. My dad had to work a lot and my sister and I often ended up at his office with him. She and I would share his secretary’s chair after she left so that we could go online, since they had internet access there.

Because of all this stress my parents had, our house got forgotten. It filled with junk and we essentially became hoarders. I don’t use that term lightly- we were. The holidays became a little less glamorous for us. There was literally no place to put our tree anymore. Because my parents were so overwhelmed, we’d usually end up cleaning a spot for the tree and putting it up at the last possible minute- Christmas eve. After a few years, even this didn’t happen anymore. We bought a tabletop pink tree (the cutest!) and this replaced all our old decor.

Now, back to out first Christmas in our new home.

When my husband and I bought our house, this felt like a new opportunity to have that special Christmas I could only dream about. I had visions of Hallmark-movie-style decor in my head and I imagined a home fully decked out for Christmas. I bought a ton of new stuff to go with all the stuff I had brought over from our apartment. I had the perfect decor, the perfect home, and possibly even the perfect life. Finally, it was like everything had come together for me.

I'm not sure if it was the new house, but Christmas didn't feel like Christmas that year. The whole house had been decked out, but it somehow didn't look Christmas-y enough for me. Everyone else that came in felt the Christmas spirit, but I sure didn't. I struggled to figure out why as I packed up all my perfect decorations.

It wasn't until a month later, when I went into a thrift store near our wedding venue in Hawley, PA that I realized what had happened. I never had perfect Christmases growing up. We were a "put the tree up in a scramble on Christmas Eve" type of family. Perfect Christmas trees and decorations were only found in catalogues and hallmark movies. Cheesy, bright 90's holiday decor was all I ever really knew. So, while I might have dreamed about a day when I could have that perfect Christmas home, I didn’t truly feel like the kind of person who would have one.

It turns out, making a place feel like Christmas doesn't have to mean a perfect catalogue home. It can mean vintage ornaments, nostalgia, and the cheesy ornaments you had as a kid. Now, I try to keep my Christmas decor feeling fresh but also traditional. That means taking the same items out of storage year after year, and trying to buy ornaments and decorations that have meaning to me. It’s less about what’s pretty and more about what feels like me. I know my style will change over the years, but right now it’s a slightly nostalgic and colorful version of Christmas. A more upscale version of the ones I had as a kid, if you will.

To find your Christmas style, I’d recommend asking yourself these questions:

1. What did I love about Christmas as a kid?

2. What kind of decor am I drawn to? Think about colors and styles.

3. What’s my favorite piece of Christmas decor that I currently own? How can I add more decor like it?

4. What decor do I put up every year that I don’t like anymore? And, what don’t I like about it?

5. What color do I have most in my Christmas decor? Do I want to continue with that, or change it up?

I’ve been asking myself what exactly I want my home to look like and what Christmas means to me. It turns out it’s less about being the picture perfect Christmas, and more about being my picture perfect Christmas!

What does your perfect Christmas look like? Are you into traditional colors, fun colors, muted colors? I think we all know which ones I’m drawn to, haha! Let me know your preference in the comments below!